When Your Boyfriend Is Not Into Oral

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

My guy and I have been together for three months. We’ve never gone down on each other. I was waiting for him to go down on me before I gave him a blow-job (since I tend to over-give, and I’m trying to change that habit). Also, I find oral sex to be more intimate than most other types of sex, so I don’t like to rush in, generally.

I REALLLLLY want him to go down on me, and I also fantasize about asking him, “Would now be a good time to suck your dick??” But so much time has passed, I’m feeling perplexed about how to bring it up. What if I ask and he doesn’t want to? What if he’s one of those guys who doesn’t like oral — in either direction? That would be terrible! I’m pretty sure this is a deal-breaker because I want it so much (which is possibly why I’m having such a hard time thinking clearly about it without flipping out).

Thank you for your Wendy-Wisdom!

Anita N. — Dallas, TX

Hey Anita,

What if he’s thinking the exact same thing you are? He just might be. I know a couple of ways you can find out…

I think even the most conservative of us could agree that oral comes standard on the sex menu — it’s not a fussy add-on item or a seasonal special. Therefore, you could just address it head-on (hah, see what I did there?) while in the throes with your guy.

When it’s time, simply rid him of his shirt, move on to his pants, and after you’ve undone his belt, drop to your knees and see what happens. When you’re done, leap onto the bed, spread your legs and exclaim, “my turn!” This way, you could have your answers to both questions in under fifteen minutes. So that’s the expedient way.

I understand how the three-month timeline can add to the awkwardness of talking, but if you’d rather use your words, you can come right out and ask. Be direct, and don’t put him in a weird spot for not knowing you wanted it already. Try something as simple as, “Hey, I’d like to try oral sex with you, you interested?”

I think doing versus asking will give you a whole lot more direct information on how he relates to both giving and receiving. He may not have busted out any moves because he thinks he’s bad at it, or he doesn’t know what he’s doing, or how you like it (we’re all different). Or, yeah, maybe he doesn’t like it at all. And there are some men who don’t like receiving, either. As one woman I know once said about her new boyfriend, “all those years of training, all for nothing!” It can be disappointing. If he’s not into it, then you’ll have to decide if that is indeed a deal-breaker for you. It’s okay if it is. You know what you want and need, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I hope you have fun investigating. Good luck!

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Dating, Sex & Relationship Expert and Author of 121 First Dates (Simon & Schuster). Over 70,000 women trust Wendy’s advice, tools, & experience. WendySpeaks.com