It Took Years — It Should Have Taken Weeks

Wendy Newman
5 min readFeb 26, 2021

5 things to remember when you’re dating someone exclusively.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I’ve been dating a guy for two years. We get along great — intellectually, sexually, humor-wise, etc.

We were long-distance as he worked in another state. We talked or texted every day. We saw each other about every 6 weeks.

We never said, “I love you,” and when I brought it up, he said he had trouble expressing his feelings. His actions (driving 7 hours through snow storms to see me, etc.) said he cared so I was okay with taking it slow.

After his temporary job ended, we were planning to move in together and then he got distant. When I asked what was up, he said he wasn’t ready to take that next step. He said he didn’t know why because I was so gorgeous and had an amazing personality and he knew what a catch I was, but he just didn’t feel that “spark.” He thought our relationship never moved beyond friendship.

I told him if after 2 years he didn’t see a future with me, then I had to move on.

I know he’s not my guy because I shouldn’t have to convince a guy to love me, but damn. We had all the makings for something fabulous and I’m having trouble making sense of why it ended. If I made mistakes, I want to learn from them and not repeat them. Was I too much in my masculine? Did I put him in the friend zone? Or was it simply a matter of him not feeling that spark?

Cindy L.

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Hey Cindy,

Two years! I’m so sorry that you were strung along for such a long time. I’m a little miffed that he didn’t speak up about that “spark” or have the “let’s be friends” convo long before two years. An appropriate timeline for this is within the first few weeks, not years.

When things go south, the first place we tend to go is “what did I do wrong?” The answer here is that you, Cindy, didn’t do anything wrong. You showed up. You were yourself. Gorgeous. A catch. Compatible in many ways. You did your part in this partnership.

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Wendy Newman

Dating, Sex & Relationship Expert and Author of 121 First Dates (Simon & Schuster). Over 80,000 women trust Wendy’s advice, tools, & experience. WendySpeaks.com