Member-only story
How to Keep the Courting Phase in Your Relationship
Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold
Hey Wendy,
How long is the courting phase supposed to last?
Linda T.
____
Hey Linda,
What a great trick question!
There isn’t an end date.
There seems to be a universal consensus about what the courting phase means:
- Everyone’s on their best behavior
- It ends, you’re committed, you stop going to fancy restaurants, and start wearing sweatpants
No!
I’ve whipped up three courting-phase best practices just for you (and for the readers):
Behave Like You
Be authentically you throughout your dating process. If they don’t like who you really are, awesome. They’ll go away, hopefully quickly. After a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a few nights of binge-watching a Netflix series, you can then move on to find your person who likes hanging out with the real you.
Best Behavior As A Place To Come From
The best behavior you give to each other happens on the first date, the ninth date, and eight years into your partnership. Always attempt to be on your best behavior for the person you care about most.
A lot of people miss this memo. They give their best to a stranger, then the butcher, the sales clerk, and by the time they get home, they’ve got nothing left for their person.
I recommend consciously conserving a part of your energy so you can give your best to the one you end up spending a ridiculous amount of time with over a lifetime.
Fine Restaurants & Sweatpants
Yes, and yes!
Keep dating after you’re settled in with each other. And if you like wearing sweatpants, wear them during movie night early on in the courtship (see behave like you). Life is a balance and if you can balance it with comfort and delicious food, then you’re living life well.
