How to Date After Divorce

Wendy Newman
5 min readSep 30, 2020

A 3-Part Guide to Moving on Powerfully & Finding Love Again

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Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I’m getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Our kids are grown. I just found out he was cheating on me, and now he’s moving in with her. They’ve been together nine months.

While shocked, I’m completely over it and moving on. I don’t feel like there’s anything to say, and I feel free. So, my question is how long should I wait before I start dating? I’m in my forties and I’ve never been taken out on a date before. My husband and I just sort of hooked up and then we were together, so I don’t really know what I’m doing. Thanks for your advice.

Deb G.


Hey Deb,

Hold up. I hear you when you say you’re completely over it, moving on, and free. I can relate to the lightness you feel from a weight lifted, and it is indeed freeing. But you’re dishonoring yourself when you say you’re “completely over it.” What you just went through is hard. Twenty-plus years of marriage is nothing to sneeze at. That’s a whole lot of your life, your time, and your heart invested. Your reality has been shaken to its core. Let’s take a breath to acknowledge that, shall we?



Wendy Newman

Dating, Sex & Relationship Expert and Author of 121 First Dates (Simon & Schuster). Over 80,000 women trust Wendy’s advice, tools, & experience.